[僕のハート]

Virtually my whole childhood and into my late teens, I lived with my mom and aunt. My aunt was severely paranoid and insane and refused to take medication for it or continue therapy. She stayed in the house 24 hours a day at least 6 out of 7 days a week. As a child, I was sick a lot and she watched me. She would sit me down (and my cousin who was my age when she was over at our house) for hours and tell me/us the world was out to get us. It hasn't changed much over the years. She used to hit me and hurt me a lot. She'd hit me with things like pillows and boxes so if I told, it'd sound ridiculous. For many years she'd called me evil, devil, imp and even spawn of Satan. She'd tell me that I never loved her and that when I was child, I would sit and glare at her with hate in my eyes (but I know I didn't and it's even a funny story from when I was little that I asked my mom if my aunt could birth me and be my mommy because I loved her so much). My mom constantly sided with her to keep the peace in the house. I'll admit I was a handful from ages 4-7 but other ages, I do not think of myself as horrible at any other time. She constantly insulted me and cursed at me. The physical abuse stopped because I got taller than her. Unless I agreed with her (on crazy subjects like the theory that our neighbors took shifts watching us), I was stupid and too young to understand. She'd preach the Bible and then turn around and do what she said was a sin. Now that I'm away from it, I have constant problems with relationships and I feel like I can't trust anyone. I definately can't say I love you to anyone. And I constantly wait for people to scream at me if I make a mistake (even something small like handing the wrong money out during monopoly). I would rather have a relationship with a man who wants sex more than emotion because I'm afraid that no one would like me without having something (like sex) to offer. I have this problem with my friends too. I have sex with people like co-workers and cheat on boyfriends I do like because I feel like I'm weak if I have to rely on a person (like a friend or BF) for love/emotion. I don't trust any of the people I date enough to let myself actually fall in love with them because everyone in my life has mostly left me. I only have my mom and dad as close family members and my dad's a drug addict and doesn't know anything about me. The rest of my family doesn't speak with me. I just have problems all the way around. Could it be because of my aunt? Is there any way to get over these problems/fears? Thanks.

[butt_man]

dude you're correct you have some issues, try to seek some professional help.

[here]

Gee, it sounds like you've had a difficult life. I think you would definitely benefit from speaking with a counselor. Intimacy issues frequently arise from an abusive childhood. Good luck and hang in there.

[dooomoooore1981]

Ouch long line but things like that happen to everyone. Go slow and get away from all of that you seem to know where the problems are coming from. Nothing will change overnight.

[Kristina S]

that could be one reason yes. just everything that happens to u plays a role in ur values and how u act. i'd suggest going to a counselor. especially one that specializes in relationships. and i kinda have a similiar situations. the best way to get over ur fears is to confront them. If u are afraid of comitting u have to just find a guy that loves u not only for the sex but because of u and u have to stick with it! it will be hard but once u've done it u will be grateful. You cant let ur past control your future

[MandyPooPoo]

Wow... Well I'm only 14 but I know what a shitty child hood is like... I'm going through one... and it sucks. You have to start therapy. It really does help. And remember, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. =)

[Cansu]

When i say this i am NOT saying you are the crazy one here but maybe you should talk to someone professionally. For the fact when you speak to someone face to face about your life problems, they can help, and they can suggest a professional way to help you in your life.Hope all goes well

[makswf]

it really could be because of your child hood. go get help....there is nothing to be ashamed about.this sounds cheesy but you cant learn to trust or love another person until you love & trust yourself.

[anonymous08]

yep, i definitely do think it's because of these mishaps that have occurred in your life. You need to speak to a counsellor/therapist about your problems so that they can chat to you in depth about them and they can help you to overcome the bad memories! i think that you're trying to block out everyone because you think they are going to be exactly the same as the ones that were supposed to be close to you as a child. You know you're actual family members. I think that you won't be able to trust them, and thats why you have sex with people so that you don't need 2 show them any emotions, and also because you don't think they care for you. You need to find friends/boyfriends that you know you can trust, and if you can't trust anyone this trust can only be gained back by counseling at your own pace or therapy, and you need to try and chat to one of your family members and tell them how u feel as well, if u can.

[jaleeah24]

There a whole lots of people dealing with childhood issues. It tends from our family. One thing you have in your favorite, you admit that there's a problems. Please go to this web site. http://www.mental-health.families.co...sstic-motheror go to index------Narcisstic mother