[Sarah B, Canadian Girl]

I have done a little reading and I do understand how closed adoptions or the adopted parents needs negate the child's feelings in the matter as they grow. I do understand society's attitude about 'you should be grateful you had a family, not have 'issues'' (unspoken as it is, that is the message). I get that. But I don't understand the rest of why anti-adoption? I am interested as I plan to adopt children someday. What is the mind set behind this viewpoint?

[Zuko]

I'm not anti-adoption. I'm pro-education. I'm against pressuring mothers to give up their children... the choice should be theirs and theirs alone. I want a change in policies.I think that adoption, as it is today, SUCKS for most adoptees. And I think that if more AP's were educated on these issues that come up, adoptees would be a lot happier. (A lot of these issues are not the AP's fault. It's just cause and effect. Others ARE caused by AP's... when they don't want us to talk about our adoption. When they don't TELL us we're adopted until we're 18. When they give us guilt trips about finding our first families...) These are all things we shouldn't feel bad about, but that HAVE to be addressed.The mindset between the anti-adoption movement is powered by mothers who were forced or tricked into relinquishing their children, and the adoptees who have had bad experiences that could've been very easily avoided had their AP's been good parents and done what was best for them.The system sucks. If policies could be changed, EVERYBODY more educated, and a little more compassion involved in the process, I wouldn't be so anti-adoption.

[Sofiakat]

Foster adoption in Canada is a great deal different than that in the USA. I can understand why citizens of the US may have a negative attitude toward adoption. There seems to be a great lack of social workers, money, etc. And kids fall through the system. I have also heard and read a lot about the need for better systems while choosing adoptive parents. Also in both Canada and the U.S there is a lot of controversy over international adoptions, as they are not always done ethically, and often the APs are misinformed about where their new child is coming from and the circumstances of the child's placement, including babies that are actually kidnapped from their mothers in order to feed the demand of international adoption. That is so scary.It has only been in recent years that Canada has really put reform forth in order to protect natural parents, children, and aps. Imagine never knowing where you come from...even if you have the best aps in the universe, it should be everyones right to know their own history. Canada has just begun to release this info on a regular basis in the past 10 years.What I have just written only scratches the surface of why some have issue with adoption and adopt an anti-adoption stance.

[stillttc#4]

I am definitely not anti-adoption...I am an AP. What I am totally against and disgusted with are the lies that go around. I can only speak from my experiences in domestic adoption. The agencies are LIARS. All they want is money and they will feed you any line to get it. I was totally clueless and naive about the adoption process the first time. I was truly lead to believe that the birthmother was pure white trailer trash, which I never would have known was false if I wouldn't have gone behind the agencies back and got to know her. The agency actually suggested I have the least amount of contact with her as I could. Can you imagine that...a woman is supposed to trust you without the benefit of knowing you! They also suggested that I try to give her the least amount of monthly money as I could so she would get the bulk at the end and that would give her the motivation to not change her mind. She found that quite amusing when I told her that. Our lawyers and agency couldn't have given a shit less about the birthmother. It was disgusting. I also feel that education should be MANDATORY before domestic adoption. I was truly lead to believe that adoption was all rainbows and sunshine and the old addage...they will be thankful you took them. Are you kidding me...we are thanful they came into our lives! Everybody NEEDS to know...before they adopt...what the circumstances are going to entail and what the child is going to feel/experience. You cannot help a child when you are totally unaware of what is going on with them. Education is key...it's not about getting your child...it is about sharing your life with a child and being there for them in every way that they need...it's about them and their needs. Also, agencies try to talk you into breaking contact as soon as the adoption is finalized. That is why they have you get 800 numbers...that way when the adoption is final...you can disconnect the number and the birthparents cannot contact you because you are not supposed to give out your real phone number. Isn't that sweet!!! My advice would be BEWARE. Do your homework, know what you are doing and do what is right...not what is easiest for your feelings! Please remember that without the first families...you would not have a child...that too means that loss had to happen as well. Please remember and respect that!

[Mei-Ling]

I am not completely anti-adoption. Some here would say I am definitely anti-adoption, others would say I'm just looking out for the next generation of transracial adoptees.I recognize that poverty/war/financial issues cannot be solved overnight if we just threw a few thousand dollars onto a plane and told the pilot to go to Africa/Asia/Vietnam.Therefore, there will always be a need for adoption.However... adoption isn't as easy as flying to Asia, picking up the kid you want and bringing it home and calling it a happily ever after ending. There are LOTS of issues you will need to deal with. Attachment issues, malnutritioned health, motor coordination lapses, etc. It's just not that simple to say you want to adopt and that you have all the love in the world to do it.You are going to need more than just love to adopt a transracial adoptee. You are going to need understanding. You will need to help them through racism, you will need to understand that they may want to mourn the loss of their first parents and culture. You will need to be extra patient because their mental capacity may be lagging - not because they are stupid - but because they spent x number of months in an orphanage.Most importantly, you will need to reassure them repeatedly that they were loved *before* you came into their life. You might need to deal with abandonment issues. Not saying you WILL for sure, just saying you MIGHT have to. Are you prepared for that?If you're interested, here's a blog you could read to gain a better understanding (and no, it isn't anti-adoption):http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/