[stillttc#4]

I am definitely not anti-adoption...I am an AP. What I am totally against and disgusted with are the lies that go around. I can only speak from my experiences in domestic adoption. The agencies are LIARS. All they want is money and they will feed you any line to get it. I was totally clueless and naive about the adoption process the first time. I was truly lead to believe that the birthmother was pure white trailer trash, which I never would have known was false if I wouldn't have gone behind the agencies back and got to know her. The agency actually suggested I have the least amount of contact with her as I could. Can you imagine that...a woman is supposed to trust you without the benefit of knowing you! They also suggested that I try to give her the least amount of monthly money as I could so she would get the bulk at the end and that would give her the motivation to not change her mind. She found that quite amusing when I told her that. Our lawyers and agency couldn't have given a shit less about the birthmother. It was disgusting. I also feel that education should be MANDATORY before domestic adoption. I was truly lead to believe that adoption was all rainbows and sunshine and the old addage...they will be thankful you took them. Are you kidding me...we are thanful they came into our lives! Everybody NEEDS to know...before they adopt...what the circumstances are going to entail and what the child is going to feel/experience. You cannot help a child when you are totally unaware of what is going on with them. Education is key...it's not about getting your child...it is about sharing your life with a child and being there for them in every way that they need...it's about them and their needs. Also, agencies try to talk you into breaking contact as soon as the adoption is finalized. That is why they have you get 800 numbers...that way when the adoption is final...you can disconnect the number and the birthparents cannot contact you because you are not supposed to give out your real phone number. Isn't that sweet!!! My advice would be BEWARE. Do your homework, know what you are doing and do what is right...not what is easiest for your feelings! Please remember that without the first families...you would not have a child...that too means that loss had to happen as well. Please remember and respect that!